Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
