Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
