Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
