I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
