The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
