oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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