I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
