It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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