That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
