im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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