She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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