I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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