Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
