Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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