# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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