I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
