I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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