If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
