All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
