She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
