Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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