my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
