I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
