and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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