theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
