I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
