Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
