I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
