anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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