you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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