Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
