8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize