Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
