I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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