im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
