you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
