2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it penis luge time yet?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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