Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
