how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
