Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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