we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
