careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
