I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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