i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize