Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
