i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
