writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
