i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
