My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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