My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
