i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
