i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
