do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
