I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
