I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
