pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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