He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
