I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dick very happy bro
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize