We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
