just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
