If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
