So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
