I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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