i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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