Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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