He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize